I recently had someone comment on my a blog I made about a year ago.
This is the segment: http://silvertonbobbie.wordpress.com/2010/05/08/a-difficult-child/
I am not here to respond to that comment but it did prompt me to think about that post.
I have no shame in admitting that I have struggled with depression and anxiety. I am a recovering alcoholic. No shame in that. No shame in being an alcoholic. Many people with depression self-medicate. Depression and alcoholism are diseases. Making fun of people with a disease is mean spirited. My depression makes me angry, I can lash out but 99 % of my life is directed by kindness and love. It is my own weaknesses that makes me have compassion for others, especially the weaker souls. The underdogs.
Last year, I quit my job after a very stressful period in my personal life. My world was in crisis mode because of a family member who was also going through a very difficult time. I quit my job for several reasons but mainly so that I could deal with this issue on the home front.
My writings came from a very deep place inside of me that was dealing with a world around me going out of control. I questioned my own sanity as things unraveled around me.
I did my own moral inventory. Not so much that I thought I was a bad person but because when things go wrong, I question myself. I don’t blame others for my actions. I don’t make excuses and try to deflect the consequences.
I am my own worst enemy. As many others who struggle with depression, you are always struggling with your self-worth. Anger against yourself and the world around you is a common response.
A year ago, I had a moment in time where I blamed myself for everything wrong with my world. Who hasn’t had thoughts such as these? Who hasn’t been so overwhelmed by a current crisis and then feel as if “I can’t do anything right” ?
Those who know me, know that I am open to a fault. I expose my vulnerabilities and I do it for a reason. I want others to know that they are not alone with their despair. Because of this raw exposure of my feelings, I leave myself open to attack or ridicule. But I really don’t care. Because those who understand would only be sympathetic.
However, some prefer to see these vulnerabilities as a cry for help and attention. I must be desperate as only two or three people even read the blog. I would be better standing on a street corner with a placard stating I am mad as hell and I’m not taking it anymore.
It wasn’t about getting attention, it was about expressing my thoughts.
So to my friends, Melanie included, I thank you for your thoughtful remarks. As to the patronizing and condescending false sympathizers, you really didn’t get the point did you.
But then some people never really take a good look at themselves to even admit that they are riddled with holes of self-delusion. Their egos are wired to deflect blame to others and play the victim themselves. These types of people are false friends. And behind the arrogance, something foul is festering in their hearts to poke sticks into the open sores of others.
Amen!