Cheaper by the Dozen

Smokie 008.NEFWe have a dozen animals in our house. That’s not including the little mices that sneak in every winter. Seven dogs, 2 cats and 3 parakeets. Maggie is a foster dog. Peanut and Daisy are foster failures. Ozzie was adopted from the Oregon Humane Society, Bo Peep was also from OHS via a raided puppy mill. Taz, my sister’s dog came from Illinois with her. The parakeets, Clyde, DewDrop and Buddelia were rescues. The cats, Sparky and Spooky were strays that we adopted. We are animal people. Our home and lives revolve around the animals. Activities, work schedules, vacations, holidays.  My closest friends are animal people. I met my best friends by dog introductions.

The newest addition to our house is a little gray poodle called Smokey. His owner, Barbara and Smokey had been inseparable. They watched TV and shared pop tarts in bed. For 15 years they were side by side and Smokey was there when Barbara passed.  I just can’t but wonder what he was feeling as she drifted out of his life. Sadness. Confusion. Pain. A part of him left with her.

I saw his picture on Facebook. He was with a rescue but was looking for a permanent home for the rest of his days. I knew we really, really didn’t need another dog in the house (with the fosters and all) but Smokey struck a chord with me. Our father died and his little dog was by his side when he passed and my Aunt adopted Oreo so that she could watch over him. I felt the same way about Smokey.

I have known a couple of Smokeys in my life. Two of them belonged to my landlady, Mrs. Barry. Smokey 1 and Smokey 2. I also had a little stray cat I named Smokey.

When I saw THIS Smokey’s picture on Facebook, I thought that I would love to love that little dog until the end. He deserves that much. Since I work from home most of the time and my sister and others are here to help, he would never be alone.

When he first arrived he was subdued and his breathing was labored. He was stressed but I knew he would feel at home soon. I could see he was still confused by the new surroundings but he settled down for a long nap.  All the dogs accepted him right away and he didn’t have any issue with them except when they got in his face too quickly. Our foster, Maggie is especially motherly towards him. It is so sweet to see her checking him every now and then.

He sleeps in the bed with me and Ozzie. My perfect boy Ozzie is a larger fellow and yet is so gentle and careful not to step on Smokey.  Ozzie has a way of expressing his disapproval with the new arrangement and yet he puts up with it and is quite gentlemanly about it. Even Ozzie knows that being compassionate sometimes means making sacrifices.

There is something about the older dogs that just tears me apart. I can’t bear to think of them alone and unloved at the end of their days.

Before, this current pack, I had three seniors that I lost a year apart. Had them all their entire lives. I was with them when they passed. I watch them go from just a little slowing down  through deafness and incontinence. There is something so precious about being able to love them so that the last thing they know is love. 

I suppose someone else might have come along and adopted Smokey. I didn’t need another dog. But Smokey needed someone and I wanted it to be me.

You can’t save them all. But you can be all to the one you save.

Smokie 009 Smokey 008


The Other Side of Me

I normally don’t talk religion (now don’t run away just yet=}) , but I have been thinking this morning…many people find my religion confusing and baffling. I am a Christian Buddist, how is that possible, one may ask? I think religion is everyone wanting to find peace and have hope. So for myself I think reflecting and meditating by myself helps me figure out who I am and and what I want to do for the world. I also believe in Christ and Jesus dying on the cross for us. I believe in finding peace and really feeling it is something we all want. When you believe in something long enough it starts to become true in your mind and it changes you. The mind is a powerful thing. The conscious and the subconscious controlling us by the things we have experienced in our own life; no one is like me, no…

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It’s been too long my friends…

The Other Side of Me

Much has happened since I last spoke. I was hospitalized and many realizations came to me. I have discovered that when we deal with bipolar, it can play many games with you. It can play games not only with you, but also your loved ones. You don’t know if you are at a level state or if you’re just excited or maybe you’re going into mania, but only time will tell. Speaking of telling, who do you tell? Who can you trust? Do you even learn to trust after the things we go through and have experienced yet cannot express? You cannot get out of bed, but you can’t explain why. You spent too much money and you don’t understand how. I could go on forever on how this disease affects us and cripples us, but that is not what I want to focus on. What I have learned is…

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