Month: March 2010

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The Whizzer of Oz

My new dog’s name is not the Whizzer of Oz, it is Ozzie. Actually, his previous name was Aussie, but I just couldn’t see me calling him that even though he is a German/ Australian Shepherd mix. I like Ozzie better and there is so many more poetic possibilites. So it is Ozzie. And one of the first things he did when he came into the house was, whizz on the chair. Newly neutered dogs from the humane society will do that. Especially in a house populated by old incontinent dogs and little schnoodles that shall remain anonymous (TAZ) who have marked every corner of the house anyway.He did it twice but has not done it since. Phew.

He settled in fairly quickly and was quite calm when introduced to the other dogs. He slept in my bed the first night and was quiet as a mouse and was quite snuggly. Oh, I have missed that spoony doggy position. If you know what I mean.

He has only escaped twice. The first time getting out of the car on the way home from the humane society but then he came running back to the car and jumped in. He loves the car.

The second time was when my sister opened the door to tell me something as I was going to the car and he slipped out and jumped in the car.

He has not been introduced to the household cats Sylvester, Sparky and Spooky. He has seen them on the front porch. Last night we went out for a short walk and met Tiger, the neighbor’s orange cat. Tiger was not amused and Ozzie came too close too quickly and Tiger attacked him and then ran up a tree. Ozzie reacted as if he had been hit by a car. Yowling loud enough to bring out the neighbors. Luckily they understood. Tiger will recover but I am not sure about Ozzie. It is going to be a long haul. Ozzie has lived with a cat before, so I’m hopeful. I don’t think he’s the killer type.

Ozzie met Zachary the 5 year old next door. Ozzie was very calm and friendly even with a squirt gun being waved around and a lot of chatter. He nudged up to Zach and gave him a kiss. I was so proud.

I love this dog. He reminds me of my old dog Buster who I had over 15 years ago. He was also part German Shepherd and of all things Corgi. They have a similar brown and black markings and small floppy ears and soulful eyes. But then almost all dogs have soulful eyes. Still there is a similar sweetness and attentiveness when he is hanging out with me. He wants to be next to you all the time. In fact, I am little concerned about his clingyness. Not that he is clingy, clingy but he freaks out when I leave. With Vivian here, he will calm down. But the other day, we both went out at the same time to go shopping and he was at the picture window barking frantically and leaning up against the window enough to make it vibrate.

When we returned home, nothing was amiss. But we did have visions of him running around the neighborhood. We might consider crating him if this keeps up. Oh, the challenges of a 2 1/2 year old.

My sister is warming up to him. We both loved Snickers and he was such a PERSONALITY that it is hard to follow his act. But Ozzie is getting into our hearts already.

Vivian says he behaves really well all day long. He stays by her side in bed either snuggling or in a corner in a ball. Taz sleeps on the pillow by Vivian’s head. She says he doesn’t bark much and quiets down fairly quickly.

Vivian says he’s a keeper. I do too.

I heard a song on a youtube video that had a bluesy song called “I love that dog” but I have not been able to find out who sings it or who wrote it. But it sort of puts a little romance into the relationship between a gal and her dog. But don’t interpret that in the kinky way.

I can love him with abandon because he didn’t hesitate to let me know he liked me, too. I can just look into his eyes all the time and kiss his ears and admire all the nuances of his fur and coloring.

I haven’t had a bed mate for quite a while now, except for a the period of our remodel,when all three cats slept in my room. I’ve missed having a dog curled behind my knees. I love the protective spirit of my dogs. Even when they dont’ do much of anything. Ozzie again reminds me so much of Buster and the way he curls next to me. I wonder if he could be his reincarnation. I will keep you up to date on that.

Come to think of it, Buster used to sing now and then and Ozzie broke into a song the other day. They both like bananas and salad. Hmmmm??

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What a difference a dog makes

We are coping. But the presence of Snickers is still sorely missed. The urge to go the the Humane Society this weekend is very strong despite that we are in the process of applying for a Brittany rescue.

My sister, is missing him too. I can tell. She has been going to sleep early in the evening and lacks energy during the day. SHe masks it with alcohol. Quietly, secretly. An alcoholic living with an alcoholic. I never imagined that I would live with my sister and that she would have a more serious alcohol problem than me.

I still don’t think she realizes yet how much of a drunk she is. On one level yes. But she doesnt accept how long she has been an alcoholic.

I know that I have had a drinking problem since I was about 19. I was about 30 before I recognized I had a problem.
That doesn’t make me a more aware person but I think living alone gave me a different perspective on how I used alcohol. And I did theater. I waitressed I worked and lived in a drinking world for a number of years. It still is a part of me.

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Depression

Depression is a funny thing. Not funny, ha-ha, of course. It’s odd, a mystery. Even after all these years, I don’t always recognize that I am depressed. Not feeling well, lack of energy and lack of interest, anxiety. These are my signs of depression. A lot of the times I interpret it as not feeling well. But sometimes, the depression is what makes me feel like crap.

What I hate most about when depression takes over my llife is that I am not interested in anything and I can’t focus. Of course, I am missing my Snickers boy. But it isn’t always something devastating that will set off the dark mood.

Depression in all its forms and manifestations saps me of my energy and my desire to create. I can’t write when I am depressed. And when I do it feels so flat.

I admire people who can write through the dullness. I can’t. I can write through anger or life-shattering moments. But depression keeps me from focusing to even form sentences.

And when I can’t create I get more depressed and I miss the feeling of being inspired.

It has reared its ugly head most of my life and I still don’t always know how to cope with it. Except to nuture it and be good to myself. Seems selfish but I’m not good for anyone if I can’t function.

I know my sister misses Snickers a lot too. She said she’s also been extra tired the past few days. The only solace we have is that we both know what the other is going through and we both loved that sweet old boy.

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Happy go lucky guy

He showed his love by showing us his toy, moaning softly as he followed us around.

He showed his love with his head on our lap. His amber eyes reflected all the golden shades of happiness. His round chameleon eyes had a shade for giddy happiness, a shade for pure distilled love, a shade for when he missed us and a shade for how much he wanted a piece of our banana or toast.

Today is eyes looked at me for the last time. His eyes were dark with pain. He held his head in my lap He seemed confused by the pain but yet I believe he knew it was his time. And that I was there to hold him and escape the pain.

Dr. Nell, who helped Spotty cross-over just about a year ago, was there with Snickers today. She understood the irony of the situation, same room, same time of year and another sweet Brittany boy. She knew how much we adored him.

Snickers filled the hole when Spotty left us. He was like a younger livelier Spotty and reminded me of Spots energetic ways. But Snickers was a distinctly different personality. Like Spot, he had this purposeful gait. It was like they were on the a quest. It was like seeing Spot’s ghost.

But he demonstrated that he was Snickers and his own person. He settled in at once, made friends with dogs and cats. He bonded to us at once. But especially with my sister, Vivan. I think he sensed that she needed him more. He stayed by her all the time. When she broke her leg, and through the fire. When she came back from the hospital he stayed by her bedside.
Despite his high energy and restless ways, He was amazingly careful around her and her walker. He could drive us nuts with his vocalizations but it also made us laugh. It was his gift to us. Laughter. He helped us both heal.

We still have a household that includes, 2 dogs, three cats and 9 parakeets, the house feels empty and quiet. I already miss his boisterous, happy ways. He lifted a cloud that had been hanging over us. A miracle boy and magical boy. You will never be forgotten.

It is also the anniversary of the death of another dog I knew. Bowser, a black and white border collie/shepherd?mix. He was my friend Lorraine’s dog. A stray that became a permanent fixture in her life. We had a number of adventures together with our various dogs over the years. Many wonderful walks. So Snickers and Bowser share the same day of death. Lorraine’s dog Elke and My dog Buster also share the same date of death. Such strange sychronicities that our animals share.
If my sister had not gone in about a year ago to volunteer at the humane society, she would not have met him in the lobby and took to him right way. We wasted no time in getting to meet him. Went the next day to his foster mom’s house and took him home the same day. Love at first sight. Absolute love.
May we all meet again in Beautiful Joe’s Heaven.

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Ode to Bowser

Daffodils in a row, delicatly blowing in the wind.

Not what you think of when you see a big black and white, freckled dog with a big nose, big feet and big bark. Not delicate at all.

He barked at and burst balloons to make your ears ring. He rushed up to strangers with bluffing bravado. Old windbag.

He ate sausage after sausage to the very end. Barking for more until there was no more.

What a rowdy boisterous demanding boy who came on like lion in March. He was a goofus doofus and the bestest of pals.

He left us as the daffodils swayed. Bouquets of daffies and more bouquets.Daffydowndillys dancing in a row.

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Prayer for Snickers

You have been with us less than a year. You have brought so much laughter and sheer joy to our lives. You made a change in the air. You have dictated the pattern of our days. We have so many more adventures to go on. We don’t want to lose you. Know that your moommas are thinkng of you all through the night.Feel no pain or fear. Dr.Nell loves you and is watching over you. St. Francis say a prayer for our little boy.

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Forgiving our trespasses

It still hurts.

You yelling at me backstage, because I upstaged you.

You humiliating me in front of others when you were drunk. Putting me down.

I forgave you long ago. But I still had dreams. Dreams of you flying on a star and me down on the ground.

It took me a long time to find my own star.

I am sorry, I apologize for the words I tossed your way recently.

I just wanted you to feel the same hurt, I felt all those years ago, when you moved back to town and never even called me. As if I never existed. I was no longer part of your world of self-adoration.

You just couldn’t have anyone around you that wasn’t a member of your fan club.

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Idol Worship

Why is it that artists and celebrities can get away with atrocious behavior? Why do the masses continue to worship them?
Why does someone like Naomi Campbell continue to make millions and feel entitled to abuse the people who work for her?

Having been blessed with either beauty, brains and talent does not give anyone special status in this world. Being a great talent doesn’t make you a great human being.

Our society is still too obsessed with the glittirati even here in ole P-Town.